


The Unusual Umbrellas

by Animation101



Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events (TV), A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket, The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Funny beat-downs, Shared name siblings, childhood angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-11-08 16:29:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17984630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Animation101/pseuds/Animation101
Summary: - Set between the Miserable Mill and the Austere Academy  and during the childhood of the Umbrella Academy-Violet, Klaus, and Sunny (or Number 8, Number 9, and Number 10) find themselves in a new world of super adolescents, demanding guardians, android caretakers, and talking chimps when they become part of the Umbrella Academy. But, can their super siblings do enough to stop Count Olaf and his nefarious new cohort?The answer is no.





	The Unusual Umbrellas

_For Beatrice-_

_I wish I could be your hero._

_Without you, I’m just a zero._

 

Chapter

One

 

If you wanted to have a superpower, what would it be? Obviously, I cannot hear you as literature only works one way. You can see and read the words on this chapter, but other than annoyed passer-bys, I cannot. This, I believe, is for the best. If I had chosen telepathy, I would be disgusted and horrified that one would subject themselves to a tale I often leave out of my research on the Baudelaires.

 

As wild and fantastical the misfortunes the Baudelaires jump and leap through (as a circus star might do over a pit of starving lions), they are all grounded somewhere in reality. But, this previously untold chapter in the lives of the Baudelaires involves too many gifted children, monkey butlers, apparent time travel, cruel father figures, and robot nannies to be ever taken credibly. It’s best to believe that this specific set of unfortunate events is best left thought as too unrealistic to actually have occured. As per the norm, there is no happy beginning, no happy ending, and the things that are happy in the middle spell doom for others.

 

After the incident at Lucky Smells Lumber Mill and before the incident at Prufrock Prep, Mr. Poe, in charge of the affairs of the orphans, was driving them to their next guardian in the city. Violet, Klaus, and Sunny sat awkwardly in the back seat of the car as one might do when your previous guardians have been murdered by a nefarious villain, when you’re on the cusp of discovering a life-changing secret about your family history, or the silence in a long car ride becomes dreadful. The two eldest children looked out the windows of the car, watching the buildings zoom past. The Baudelaires were the ones stuck in place.

 

Mr. Poe tried to break the silence with conversation, but ended up doing so with a really loud and unpleasant cough. The Baudelaires jolted back in their seats a tad, surprised by the way the cough had presented itself. After the cough disappeared, Mr. Poe addressed the children. “Well, Baudelaires, another day, another guardian!” He smiled, unaware of the sour and depressed mood the children were in. Klaus muttered. “Another day of being chased by Count Olaf and getting nowhere in our investigation of this spyglass and the connection it has to our parents.” Mr. Poe noticed this and mistaking it for enthusiasm declared. “Attaboy, Klaus! I see you’re just as excited to meet your new guardian as I am.”

Violet started to speak, preferring when the car ride was silent. “Well, actually, Mr. Po-” Mr. Poe interrupted. “You’re going to be under the care of a Sir Reginald Hargreeves. Have you heard of him perchance? Perchance means perhaps.” Klaus, now a tad intrigued, began to sit up from his previously slouched position in the back of Mr. Poe’s car. “We know what perchance means. Sir Reginald Hargreeves is a famous eccentric billionaire industrialist.” Klaus had read about Sir Reginald Hargreeves in a biography about the man, he had done it all in one night, having to sleep in an uncomfortable chair to stay awake. That chair now being just another very flammable device in the remains of the Baudelaire mansion. “Now, I wouldn’t call a man who adopts gifted children to use as a mock superhero team in publicity eccentric, Klaus.” That was the detail about Sir Reginald Hargreeves that stuck out the most.

 

On October 1st, 1989, 43 women around the world gave birth simultaneously, a word which here means at the same time. The strange part of that usually normal circumstance was that none of the women had been pregnant or had made love 9 months prior. Now, I am a researcher on the events of the Baudelaires, and not on the events of Number 1 through 7 of the Umbrella Academy. If you wish to know more about how and why Sir Reginald Hargreeves adopted them, I suggest you stop reading this chapter and do that sort of research on the Umbrella Academy yourself. Anything to get you to stop reading.

 

Now, Violet, Klaus, and Sunny had heard of Sir Reginald Hargreeves’ superhero group of adopted children as did everyone else in the surrounding areas. Only the old man who had made his home under his rock was ignorant in the matter. The odd thing of the Umbrella Academy was whether the 7 children who composed it had actual superpowers. Witnesses at a foiled bank robbery said they have seen adolescents in domino masks punch people through walls, teleport from one end of the building to another, and summon nasty creatures from a parallel universe, slightly more unfortunate than our own.

 

Others say it’s all a publicity bonanza, just another media hoax like Bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster, or vitamins. While the powers of the Umbrella Academy can be debated back and forth about over cups of coffee, the fact of the matter is that, unfortunately, the same cannot be said of the events of the Baudelaire orphans.

 

\- .... . / .-- --- .-. .-.. -.. / .. ... / --.- ..- .. . - / .... . .-. .

 

“Did you know that Istanbul was formerly known as Constantinople?” The Henchperson of Indeterminate Gender said in the back of the car, sandwiched in a snack food of villainy, between the Bald Man and the White-Faced Women, reading fun facts about geography from a children’s book. The Hook-Handed Man turned backwards from the passenger seat to face the Henchperson. “Really? Why would they bother changing the name?” The Henchperson responded in a simple shrug of the shoulder.

 

The reasoning behind the decision of the Turks to rename their country after being captured by the Ottoman empire would be lost on every wicked person in that car as Count Olaf shouted. “Hooky!” The Hook-Handed Man with a jolt, quickly turned back around. “Yes, boss?” “Which way do I turn?!” Count Olaf said, frustrated at yet another failure of getting his paws on the Baudelaire fortune and his lack of knowledge of roadside etiquette. “Right, boss.” “Yes, I _am_ always right, but which way do I go to get to the next unlucky sap I need to face to get that fortune?!”

The car was silent for a moment. The Bald Man piped up, saying. “West?” The car was back to being silent. Count Olaf muttered, as most villains do, at a volume that only the Hook-Handed Man could here. “Which way is west again?” The Hook-Handed Man used one of his prosthetics to point rightward, the actual direction to the Umbrella Academy, deeming it more important than any knowledge of which way is east and which way is west for his employer.

 

“Westward and onward, my theater troupe!” Count Olaf declared as he turned east on the intersection at the last possible second. “Did you know that westward expansion would have never occurred if Napoleon-” The Henchperson started up again, before Count Olaf lost his temper, a phrase which here means “grabbing ‘Geography Facts for Kidz!’ and tossing it out the open window of a moving car”. “No more books!” Count Olaf shouted, turning toward the hench people in the back.

 

“When we stopped at that gas station, it was for a brief intermission and to get snacks that you would most like to eat the scraps of! Not to read and rattle off useless facts like those brainy Baudelaires!” Count Olaf continued to lecture, the Hook-Handed man know trying to steer from his position in the passenger seat. “Oh ho ho, those orphans will need a lot more than brains if they want to escape this scheme… And you!” Count Olaf suddenly turned to face “Hooky” who put his hooks back in his lap, pretending he had not saved Count Olaf from crashing into several street signs.

 

The villain just stared at his henchman before saying. “No more reading water park pamphlets.” The hook-handed man let out a little air through his nose, a bit frustrated. Even horrible villains enjoy water parks. I myself can somewhat enjoy splashing in the water without being given the opportunity to lay on my back in a lonely pool thinking about what could have been.

 

“Well, it’s a good thing I memorized most of them.” The Henchperson said dryly, warranting delight from the faces of the Bald Man and White-Faced Women, and a bag of chocolate covered trail mix to the face from Count Olaf.

 

\- .... . / .-- --- .-. .-.. -.. / .. ... / --.- ..- .. . - / .... . .-. .

 

New, large houses can be frightening for some. A man may choose to live in a small tin shack full of crabs and slime because he was too afraid to face an affordable three-story house. The Baudelaires being afraid of more sensible things were not fearful of the large Umbrella Academy that stood before them, but were somewhat intimidated. Their own house and perhaps Dr. Montgomery's abode were the largest places the Baudelaires had lived in. A 43 bedroom house was going to spacious for sure.

 

“Now, I want you Baudelaires to be very polite when addressing Mr. Hargreeves. I know he’s taking you in due to your intelligence, ingenuity, and-” Mr. Poe stopped himself to look down at Sunny, hand in hand with Klaus and Violet. “Biting.” He finished. Sunny responded with a “Habim.” meaning “Bite me.” Violet lightly scolded Sunny before turning to Klaus. “Do you think we’ll be safe from Count Olaf here?” Klaus responded as the children and Mr. Poe walked up to the front door of the academy. “If the Umbrella Academy really does compromise of superheros, Count Olaf will be out the door the moment he sneaks in.”

 

Violet was still uneasy. “What if he disguises himself again?” Klaus stirred a little, wanting to be sure that they would be safe in their new home. “Sir Reginald seems like a smart person and we’ll have 7 other siblings to relate the information to. Most of our problems came from ignorant adults.” Klaus’ response gave Violent some reassurance that they would indeed be safe from the villain’s plot, but, there was a nagging feeling in the back of her head. Ignorance is oftentime referred to as bliss. Though it may have bad outcomes in the long run such as failing to prepare for an important test or being killed, the lack of stress from worrying about those outcomes is much more relaxing.

 

I have invested far too many years, months, and seconds dedicated to the research of the Baudelaire orphans, but it is not too late for you. I’ve implored you once and I’ll implore you again to cease reading this chapter and be blissful in your ignorance of the Baudelaire’s stay at the Umbrella Academy. Just assume they stayed there and had a happy ending with their new siblings and guardian, even if it is contrary to other events of the Baudelaires or of the children of the Umbrella Academy you may have read or watched before. I would love to engage in this manner of doublethink, but alas, I cannot. It is my sworn duty to research the plight of these poor orphans as it is Dr. Phineas Pogo’s sworn duty to answer the door for Mr. Poe and the Baudelaires.

 

Mr. Poe rang the doorbell, clutching paperwork for Sir Reginald as the Baudelaires nervously waited for the door to be answered. Nervousness and doubts of what may or may not happen to them inside flashed in their minds. Would this be a home where Violet’s creativity and Klaus’ intelligence would be valued, welcomed? Would Count Olaf find them and dash those dreams? Would Sunny ever finishing biting on a stick found at Lucky Smells Lumber Mill? These questions would soon be answered by a futuristic “woosh” sound as one might hear on a television show or an adaptation of a comic book, a light scolding, and the opening of a door by said Dr. Phineas Pogo.

 

Now, I have been told several times it is very impolite to stare, no matter if the person you’re staring at has two heads or is a villain wanted for several dastardly crimes. I think I can excuse the staring that commenced after the door to the Umbrella Academy was opened literally and figuratively to the Baudelaires as the person who opened it was pan troglodytes. Or what is better known as: a chimpanzee.

 

**Author's Note:**

> If I got any details about the Umbrella Academy or Unfortunate Events lore wrong, let me know! It's hard to do research on both of these properties!


End file.
